1. I’m conflicted about moving away for school, I really do like Cornerstone despite feeling disconnected and new at times. I’m just starting to get my footing, to get to know people. I loathe the thought of having to start over. But since I’ll probably end up in California for the rest of my life…this is my opportunity to “see the world” I suppose.
2. I often wish my seminary/pastor plans worked out, I wouldn’t have to make the decision above. Law school to me is more because God calls everyone to work. I can’t just do nothing. I think I’m still reeling from having my idol wrenched away from me, sometimes I feel like a sullen/pouting kid when it comes to ministry or even other aspects of the Christian life, which is no good, may God continue to hammer into my heart that my identity is not founded on what I do, but on who Christ is and what he has done.
2. Lost is awesome. How could I have missed out? Can’t wait for Tuesday.
3. I know I’ve been watching too much TV because…I start recognizing guest stars from other shows — “Oh! That’s the presidential aide from Season 2 of 24!”
4. I’m not good at saving money, but I’m good at spending, Asian parent brainwash fail.
5. Singles Retreat was really good, for myself, I saw a glimpse of how little I love people. In college, I thought I was pretty good at loving people, but now I realize it’s because with such a large fellowship, it was easy to avoid those who annoyed me/were difficult to love/boring/no connection, etc. I would simply exchange some pleasantries and go on my way, giving myself a pat on the back for being so civil. Well David, that’s not love.
6. I’m gonna admit that reading blog posts about relationships are the most interesting. So, since I’m always accused of being a milker…here’s some relationship talk.
Pastor James really hit home during the Singles Retreat Q&A reminding all of us that Calvary tells us we deserved nothing except hell, so anything, including relationships, a woman’s love, and marriage is amazing grace. Lists of qualifications are counter-Gospel because it reveals a “I deserve this” thinking. I wholeheartedly agree, but I also admit, my sinful thought patterns don’t go away easily, I still got my lists and my “Never gonna happen, trust me” people, but I believe that God has begun the slow process of heart change in this area.
Oh, and her name is…………………………………………..JK, my milking habits die hard too.
On another thought, sometimes I’m tempted to get something going, but such thoughts are foolishness considering that I could be anywhere next year. I know I’m doing it just to make my life more exciting…yes, a very selfish motive and yes, I am a bad person.
7. It’s sobering/shocking/humbling to think that there might not really be an answer to the question, “How do you overcome persistent sin?” Or at least the answer that we want, which is: “This, this and this are the ways to overcome persistent sin.” After what’s the point of Romans 7? What’s the point of glorification?
I think in some ways Christians can be set up failure and frustration when people tell glorious stories of how they overcame this and that sin. I’m not saying we can’t grow because that definitely happens according to the Bible, but do we ever truly overcome a sin? I haven’t given it the deepest thought, but overcome seems to imply domination, and I don’t think that happens while we are on this earth.
I don’t think this would lead to spiritual complacency either because if we have truly been regenerated, God has given this desire to become like him. We will seek to wage war against our sin, but more so, to be awed and to love his grace, his love, his kindness towards us when we fail over and over again. We don’t have to be so utterly frustrated when we can’t overcome our sins, instead I think our failures are meant to draw our eyes heavenward, to be reminded that Christ has overcome our sins for us.
According to Psalm 51:17, the sacrifices of God are not a perfect, holy life, but a contrite and broken heart. I find it fascinating that John Bunyan, a prolific author throughout his lifetime, an incredible preacher, and one who suffered greatly for his faith, chose to write about that exact verse for one of his last works. It might actually be something of little significance, but I have a hunch we too, at the end of our earthly lives, having been Christians for so long, will not look back, smug and satisfied at the sins we overcame, how many people we ministered to, the great family we raised, but instead see that our fleshly failures far outweighed our triumphs. Instead, we will throw ourselves upon God’s grace and come to him as we did when we first came, broken and contrite in heart.
This John Newton hymn speaks beautifully at what I’ve been thinking about.
I asked the Lord that I might grow
In faith, and love, and every grace;
Might more of His salvation know,
And seek, more earnestly, His face.
‘
’Twas He who taught me thus to pray,
And He, I trust, has answered prayer!
But it has been in such a way,
As almost drove me to despair.
‘
I hoped that in some favored hour,
At once He’d answer my request;
And by His love’s constraining pow’r,
Subdue my sins, and give me rest.
‘
Instead of this, He made me feel
The hidden evils of my heart;
And let the angry pow’rs of hell
Assault my soul in every part.
‘
Yea more, with His own hand He seemed
Intent to aggravate my woe;
Crossed all the fair designs I schemed,
Blasted my gourds, and laid me low.
‘
Lord, why is this, I trembling cried,
Wilt thou pursue thy worm to death?
“’Tis in this way, the Lord replied,
I answer prayer for grace and faith.
‘
These inward trials I employ,
From self, and pride, to set thee free;
And break thy schemes of earthly joy,
That thou may’st find thy all in Me.
Beautiful is it not? It’s strange to think that God in his grace, employs these inner trials, these struggles against sin to free us from our self-accomplishing version of Christianity, and to truly marvel at the Gospel, to make Christ our all and nothing else.
